Chosen Islamic Manners
Manners of Hospitality
*Being hospitable to one's guest is compulsory. The Messenger of Allah () said:
'Whoever believes in Allah and the Last Day let him be kind to his guest.' (Bukhari)
One should be hospitable and kind to his guest for three days. The Prophet () said:
"Hospitality should be extended to a guest for three days. His gift is that he be extended one day and one night. One should not stay with his brother until he has nothing left to offer him.' (Muslim)
*It is appropriate for one to welcome his guests. It is narrated on the authority of Ibn Abbas () that he said: 'When the delegation of Abdul-Qais came to the Prophet (), he said: 'Marhaba (i.e. welcome) O delegation! You have come to me and shall neither be ashamed nor sorrowful.' (Bukhari)
*One should accept the invitation of one who invites him.
The
Prophet () said: 'Whoever does not accept an invitation has
certainly disobeyed Allah and His Messenger.' (Bukhari)
He () also said:
'The rights of a Muslim over his fellow Muslim are five,’ and he mentioned 'accepting his invitation.' (Bukhari)
Some scholars have mentioned certain conditions whereby an invitation must be accepted.
1. The one extending the invitation must not be one of those whom it is a must upon a Muslim to boycott.
2. There should be no falsehood or evil in the place the invitation is being held.
3. The one extending the invitation must be a Muslim.
4. The one extending the invitation must be among those who earn their money through lawful sources. Some Scholars say that if he extends an invitation, the sin will fall only upon him. This is unlike the unlawfulness of wine, for the one who drinks it, as well as the one who buys it, will be liable for punishment.
5. Accepting the invitation should not lead one to missing a compulsory act.
6. The invitation must not, in any way, harm the one who has accepted it.
*Some scholars state that there are four things which are compulsory upon the guest.
1st: He should sit wherever he is told to sit.
2nd: One should not stand up except with the permission of the host.
3rd: One should be happy and pleased with whatever he is given.
4th: He should make Du'aa for the host when he leaves.
*Imam Ibn al-Jozi, may Allah have mercy on him, said: 'Of the manners one should abide by during a visit is that the guest should not suggest that a certain type of food be served. If he is given the choice between two types of food, he should choose the one that is easier to prepare, unless he knows that the host will happily prepare either for him.
*Fasting should not prevent one from accepting an invitation. The Messenger of Allah () said:
'If one of you is invited, let him accept the invitation. If he is fasting let him continue his fast and if he is not fasting, let him eat.' (Muslim)
*The Prophet () approached Abdullah b. Amr () and he spread a rug for him to sit on, which was filled with leaves, and he sat on the ground.' (Agreed Upon)
*If someone tags along with one who is invited, the guest should seek permission for him as is stated in the hadeeth of Abdullah b. Masood (). There was a man among the Ansar who was known as Abu Shuaib. He had a slave boy who worked as a blacksmith. He said: ‘prepare a meal and invite the Messenger () along with five others.’ The servant called them and a man followed the Messenger of Allah () and he said:
'Although you invited five of us, there is one who followed us. If you wish, you may give him permission, and if not you want, you may prevent him. He said: 'Nay, I give him permission to enter along with you.' (Bukhari)
*One should not go out of proportion when taking care of their guests. Going out of proportion is determined by one's customs and norms of society. The Prophet () said:
'Do not go out of proportion to entertain your
guests.' (Saheeh al-Jami)
*One should only enter another’s home with permission and one should leave the host's house after eating the meal that is served. One may remain behind if the host wants him to remain behind. Allah says:
O you who believe! Enter not the Prophet's
houses, except when leave is given to you for a meal, (and then) not (so early as) to wait for its preparation. But when you are invited, enter, and when
you have taken your meal, disperse, without sitting for a talk. Verily, such (behaviour) annoys the Prophet, and he is shy of (asking)
you (to go), but Allah is not shy of (telling you)
the truth. (33:53)
*The
elderly should be given priority, then those who are to the right. When people
were being given water, the Prophet () would say: ‘Start with the elderly.’ (Abu Ya’la) The
Prophet () said:
‘Whoever does not have mercy on the young, nor respects the elderly is not from us.’ (Bukhari)
Sheik Al-Albani, may Allah have mercy on him, thereafter mentioned the hadeeth of Ibn Umar () in which the Prophet () said:
'Jibreel () instructed me to give precedence to the elderly.' (As-Silsilah as-Saheehah)
In the hadeeth
of Rafi' b. Khadeej () and Sahl b. Abi Harthmah, Abdur-rahman b. Sahl ()
who was the youngest among his people started to talk before the elderly who
were in his company. The Prophet () said: 'Let the elderly talk.' (Abu Dawood)
Al-Muhallab,
may Allah have mercy on him, said: 'Precedence should be given to the elder as
long as they are not seated. If the people are seated, then in that case the
Sunnah is to give precedence to those who are seated to the right.' (Al-A’haad
wal-Ma’thaani)
Sheik Al-Albani,
may Allah have mercy on him, mentioned the hadeeth of Abdullah b. Abi Habeebah
()
in which Abdullah was asked: 'What have you learnt from the Prophet ()?'
He said: 'The Prophet () came to Masjid Qubaa while I was a
child, and I sat on his right side and Abu Bakr () sat to his left. He then asked for
something to drink and he handed it to me (after he finished drinking from it)
for I was sitting to his right. He then stood up and prayed, he prayed with his
shoes on.' Sheik Al-Albani, may Allah have mercy on
him, said in this there is a proof that the one who is serving should start from
his right side, even if he is not the eldest or most knowledgeable of those in
the circle.
It was narrated that the Prophet () drank something, and a Bedouin was to his right, and Abu Bakr () was to his left and Umar () was seated in front of him. Umar () beckoned the Messenger of Allah () to give the drink to Abu Bakr () but he refused and gave it to the Bedouin. He () then said: 'Begin with those who are on the right, begin with those who are on the right, begin with those who are on the right.' (As-Silsilah as-Saheehah)
*The guest should supplicate Allah Almighty for the host: ‘Aftara in'dakom as-Saa'imoon wa akala ta'aa'makom al-Abraar wa sal'lat alaikum al-Malaa'ikah'
Meaning: May the ones who fast break their fast with you, and the pious eat your food, and the angels pray for blessing on you.
<or 'Allahumma at'im man at'a'mana was-qee man asqaanee'
Meaning: O Allah, feed him who fed me, and provide with drink him who provided me with drink.
<or 'Allahumma barik la’hom feema razaqtahom wagh’fir lahum war'ham'hom.’
Meaning: O Allah, bless them in that which You have provided them, forgive them and have mercy upon them.
*It is praiseworthy for one not to stare at the one who is sitting next to him. If someone is in a greater need than him, he should favor that individual over himself. If someone is standing, he should ask him to sit.
*The guests and the host may serve each other. The host may provide special food to some of the guests as long as no one will feel hurt. It is lawful for the one who is given this by the host to accept it.
*One should provide whatever he has to the guests without going out of proportion. One should not seek permission from his guests to serve them.
*The host should smile in the faces of his guests.
*The host should entertain his guests, so that they do not become bored, nor regret accepting his invitation. The host should not indulge in talk which frightens the guests or makes them feel uneasy. He should try his best to make them feel at home.
*One should call his guests, with the most pleasant of words, to eat a meal. Allah Almighty says in the story of Ibraheem:
Then he turned to his household, and brought out a roasted calf, and placed it before them, (saying): "Will you not eat? (51:26-7)
*One should make sure that the guests can easily reach the food. Allah says:
and (he) placed it before them… (51:27)
*One should agree with the host to eat when he calls him to a meal. One should not ask the host for anything in his residence except for the direction of the Qiblah, and the restroom. One should not look towards the section where the women reside. One should not sit in a place other than that in which the host seats him. One should wash his hands before the meal.
*One should not repeatedly look at the kitchen or pantry where the food is being prepared.
*The host should offer the food as quickly as possible to the guests, for this is a sure sign that he honors his guests.
*Imam Ibn al-Jozi, may Allah have mercy on him, said: 'One should not rush his companion by saying to him: 'eat'. He should not do something which disgusts his companions. He should not put his hand in the food plate. If he takes something out of his mouth, he should turn his face away from the food plate and remove it from his mouth with his left hand. He should not put the rest of the food which is in his hand back into the gravy. One should not place an oily portion of food into vinegar or pickles or vice versa, for others may be disgusted with this.'
*One should not repeatedly look at the faces of those who are eating.
*The host should not abruptly leave until all his guests have eaten their fill.
*Eating on the ground is better than eating on a table. It is narrated that Anas b. Malik () said: 'The Prophet () did not eat on a table nor did he ever eat moist bread.' (Bukhari)
*It is praiseworthy for the host to walk with the guest to the door. Abu Ubaid al-Qasim b. Sal'laam visited Imam Ahmed, may Allah have mercy on them both, and Abu Ubaid said: 'When I wanted to leave the house, Imam Ahmed stood up with me.' I told him: 'Don't, O Abu Abdullah.' Imam ashSha'bi said: 'Of the manners of excellency during a visit is that one should walk with the guest to the door.'
*The host should call pious people to his home. The Messenger of Allah () said:
'Accompany only him who is pious, and let no one but a pious eat your food.' (Abu Dawood)
*One should not only invite the rich, and leave out the poor. Abu Hurairah () said:
'The worst type of food is that which only the rich are invited to eat from, while no poor are invited. Whoever accepts this invitation, has certainly disobeyed Allah and His Messenger ().'
*The guest should leave the house of the host while he is content. He should overlook and forgive the host for any of his shortcomings.
*One should try his best not to be a
burden on the host. Allah
says:
and when you have taken your meal, disperse. (33:53)
to be continued . . . .
